#113 - How to be your Kid's Friend {Reflections}

Ever feel the tug to keep the peace and just let it slide? We dig into a crisp idea that rewires how you think about your role: you can be friends with your kids in the first part of their lives or the second, but not both. Through a quick story from the baseball field and a candid look at screen-time standoffs, we show how fear of a child’s anger can flip the home and stall a child’s growth. The antidote isn’t harsher rules; it’s steadier ones—boundaries framed with warmth, explained with clarity, and enforced with calm follow-through.

We talk about why kids don’t need more peers and how an adult’s steady presence teaches social norms, self-control, and respect for no. Drawing on a memorable rule—don’t let your kids do things that make you not like them—we make the case for interrupting habits that turn kids into people others avoid. This is about shaping future adults who can handle disappointment, collaborate with others, and carry their weight at home, school, and work. You’ll hear why early structure pays off later with deeper connection, more trust, and genuine friendship between parent and grown child.

If you’ve wondered when to shut down the console, how to hold a line without a blowup, or whether saying no will harm the relationship, this conversation offers a simple path forward. Expect practical phrases you can use today, a mindset shift that lowers the temperature at home, and a long view that trades short-term comfort for lasting closeness. Share this with a parent who feels stuck, and tell us: what boundary will you reset this week? If this helped, subscribe, leave a review, and pass it on to someone who needs a nudge toward calm, confident parenting.

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Chapters

• 0:17 Welcome And Story Setup
• 0:36 The Video Games Dilemma
• 1:51 The Core Parenting Principle
• 3:24 Boundaries, Social Norms, And Adulthood
• 5:28 Final Encouragement And Community Invite

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:17

What is up everybody? Hey, this is Ryan. Welcome back to our Reflections podcast. And hey, I heard some parenting advice the other day that I absolutely loved. Now you might be on here and say, I'm not a parent, but don't tune me out just yet. Maybe you're you'll be a parent someday, or you can help others who might be parents or will be parents, but this is just great advice. But I want to tell a story first before I give you the actual advice. But a couple years ago, I was coaching baseball. My son Logan played for a team, and it was like summertime, and there was a dad who was an assistant coach of mine, great guy, and he was telling me, he was kind of complaining one night. He's like, Oh yeah, my son, and this time they were like 13, I think. He's like, My son all summer just sits around and plays video games all day long. He goes, This it wasn't the same as when we were kids, when we were out in the baseball field playing baseball or out playing frisbee or hide and seek. And he goes, I so all he does is play video games all day long. And I said, Oh, well, why don't you just turn it off, turn off the TV for him, or turn off his PlayStation or whatever it was, you know, or like take it from him. He goes, Oh no, I could I could never do that. He'd be so mad at me. And I was like, uh, so like, dude, you're his dad. You're not his buddy. Like your job, some like that's kind of part of that's kind of part of the job, is when your kids get mad at you. Like you can't you can't be afraid of that. And I realized, oh, this kid uh was kind of running the show in many ways, and whatever he wanted to do, the dad would let him do because the dad was too afraid to say no. And what was happening was the kid was kind of becoming this lazy video gamer who was kind of rude to people. Um, and that was why, which okay, so now here's the advice that I heard recently, and this is great. Most of my kids are grown. I've got two kids in college and I've got two in high school, but but it's so great. And this woman, I don't know who it was, I I wish you I wish I could give her credit, but I can't. She said, Listen, you can be friends with your kids either in the first half of their life or the second half of their life. But but not both. In other words, like when they're when they're like zero to twenty, that's not really the first half, but like the first chunk. You can be friends with them when they're zero to twenty or when they're twenty on. And here's why, because if you're friends with them when they're zero to twenty, if you're friends, if your goal is to be that that kid's friend and to be like one of their peers or to be a friend with them when they're z when they're 12 or 8 even or even five, uh, you will raise a kid who's not that fun to be around when you're when that kid is 30. Because all the things that you do, like so like this kid, you know, if you let your kid, you know, kind of uh be a peer, be a friend, um, rather than a parent when they're younger, then they will learn bad habits. They will think that they're the one in charge, they will not learn how to hear the word no, um, they will think that you're their friend. And then when they're older, you probably won't want to hang out with them because they're gonna be kind of like uh kind of nasty, you know what I mean? Whereas if you parent them from the ages of zero to twenty, probably zero to fifteen, let's be honest, then you will instill in them these ways of being that make them enjoyable to be around when they're 20 to however old they get. So you can be their friend either in those first 20 years or the rest of their life. You can't do it in both of them, which makes you think of this other thing. Jordan Peterson, he's a very well-known psychologist who wrote a few books, and one of his rules for life is uh I love it, it's so funny. It says, Don't let your kids do things that make you not like them. Which is hilarious. Because without pointing fingers, we all know somebody who lets their kid do things that make a bunch of folks not like them, you know. Like, you know, the kid who like is just doing like just things like, what are you doing? And I love kids, I love kids, but sometimes there are kids who are like, you know, in like communal settings, they will just do things that other adults that makes them not like them, you know what I'm saying? Whether it's, I don't know, if they're rude or if they are whatever you can imagine all the things. And and so the idea is as a parent, part of your job is to help them not do that so they can be more, you know, accepted into society, which is actually not a bad thing. I'm not saying just do as society does, I don't mean that, but like to learn sort of the social norms about how to behave as a young kid. And part of the parent's job is to provide boundaries and guidelines and rules and regulations, and the kid, they're a kid, they don't know any better. You have to teach them how to be an adult, and only you can do that. Only you can do that. By the way, their peers can't do that. They don't need more friends, they've got plenty of friends. They need instead, they need they need an adult who can help them know what it means and what it looks like to assimilate into adulthood. So then they need an adult who can teach them how to be an adult. And being their friend when they're younger doesn't work. Uh because if you do that, then you will make a you will raise a kid who nobody likes when they're much older. So there you have it. So uh my encouragement for you parents or would-be parents or wanna be parents or or uncles or aunts or godparents or neighbors of kids, you know, help those kids to know what it means and it looks like to grow up into an adult. Do it lovingly and caringly, but provide boundaries and borders for that kid. Help them to hear the word no and know what it means. And and uh and if you're a parent, be a parent. You don't need to be their friend, be their friend when they're older. It's way easier too if you've raised them in the right way. So there you go. All right, love you guys, peace. Hey, if you enjoy this show, I'd love to have you share it with some friends. And don't forget you are always welcome to join us in person at Central in Elk River at 8 30, which is our liturgical gathering, or at 10 o'clock, our modern gathering. Or you can check us out online at clcelkriver.org. Peace.