Who Can Tell You No? {Reflections}

One question can reveal the health of any leader faster than a résumé or a mission statement: who can tell you no and have it stick? We explore that question through a memorable YWAM story about founder Lauren Cunningham and a donor who used this single test to decide where to entrust a major gift. The contrast is stark: leaders who claimed no one could overrule them lost credibility, while the leader who named specific people with real authority earned trust on the spot.

From there, we get practical. We walk through the hidden costs of isolation, the lure of sycophants, and the subtle ways echo chambers form around busy leaders. We share how we structure accountability at Central: a council with oversight, staff leaders with veto power, mentors who aren’t dazzled by titles, and family who can pull the brake. You’ll hear why effective guardrails are explicit, not assumed, and how to design systems where feedback has consequences before crises appear. This isn’t about pleasing critics; it’s about protecting mission, people, and your own integrity.

If you’ve wondered how to build an inner circle that will actually stop you when needed, this conversation offers a simple blueprint: choose trustworthy voices, give them clear authority, establish rhythms of honest check-ins, and celebrate the hard no that saves you from a harder fall. Ask yourself today: if you started to drift, who would notice, and would you listen? Subscribe for more candid reflections on leadership, share this with someone who needs stronger guardrails, and leave a review with the name of one person who can tell you no.

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Chapters

• 0:00 The Central Question: Who Can Say No
• 0:36 The YWAM Story And A Donor’s Test
• 2:06 Power Without Guardrails Is Dangerous
• 2:28 Building An Inner Circle That Sticks
• 4:24 A Clear Challenge And Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:15

What is up everybody? Hey, welcome to our Reflections podcast. My name is Ryan, and I I have a question for you. And here it is. Who in your life can tell you no and it will stick? Yeah, who in your life can tell you no and it will work? It'll stick. I remember the story from years ago. I was on staff at YWAM. YWAM is this incredible organization that has lots of different sort of modular locations that are all kind of independent. But um the founder, his name is Lauren Cunningham, and I'm I'm like 98% sure this is how the story goes, but it's something like this. But uh I I heard the story for the first time like 20 years ago. But but Lauren Cunningham was this brilliant man. He was a founder, he had you know an incredible education and just knew how to lead. He was a good leader. And anyway, this one man came to him and said, Hey, I want to make a donation to YWAM, like a big one. I'm like big time a donation. He's like, But I want to ask you a question first. And he asked Lauren that question. Hey, Lauren, you're the CEO, you're the founder, you're the you're the head cheese, you're the big dog. Who can tell you no and have it stick? And Lauren's like, Oh, well, here. And he pulls that, like, he pulls this, you know, this guy in from the outside office, like, this guy can tell me no, this board over here, these people, my parents, my wife, this, you know, accountability group, and et cetera. They can all tell me no and it can kind of stick. And the guy was so impressed, he goes, I want to give you this money. He goes, and here's what, here's why. I've been to like several other organizations and I've asked the top people this same question, and a number of them said, Hey, listen, I'm the big dog. No one can tell me no and it can stick. I'm the one who decides. The buck stops with me. And it disturbed the guy so much. He's like, I'm not giving them any money. So he gives it all to Lauren and to YWAM because he was so impressed that Lauren could have people in his life. With all the power that the founder has, he still had folks in his life that can say no and have it stick. And uh, yeah, that's the question. Because listen, many of us will may find ourselves in a position at some point in life where we are in a spot where, man, if you don't have folks in your life that you intentionally put in there that can tell you no and have it stick, you can find yourself off the path, off the rails in Crazy Town very quickly. I was chatting with my friend Ben, he's actually our new associate pastor here at Central, and we were chatting this morning over coffee. And I go, listen, man, you and I have to have people in our lives that can say no and have it stick. So here at Central, um, we have a council, the church council kind of oversees me. Um, the staff can, you know, Sonia, who's my executive director, she can kind of tell me no, not kind of, she can tell me no. My wife, Katie, I have lots of mentors in the area that can say no and have it stick. And I told Beggo, Ben, you've gotta like find, and he's got him. I'm just, we were chatting about being a, he's a brand new pastor, fresh out of the rapper, just getting going on this pastor journey. And I'm like, hey, you gotta find people in your life and put them in there on purpose that can tell you no and have it stick. The thing behind the thing really is accountability. Do you have folks in your life that that that they have your ear? If they come to you like, hey man, you're out of line here, and and you will you listen to them? Or are you the kind of person? Nah, man, I know what's up. I'm like, I'm the wisest, smartest, baddest dude in town, and no one can tell me no. No one can correct me. And if they tried, I would squash them, you know, or or maybe you're a person who surrounds yourself with sycophants who only whisper sweet nothings into your ear. And then I'm just telling you, this is a problem. And look around. You can throw a stone in any direction, find an organization, you know, political groups that the leader, it really hasn't, they're unreachable, they're untouchable. And it's a problem. Now, look, I'm not saying you should have everybody should have your ear, you know, the folks five or ten rings out who want to just chuck stones at you, they shouldn't have your ear. And you don't need to take that feedback, but there's gotta be folks in your inner circle who can tell you no, or bring warning, or bring caution, or like encouragement, or that give you feedback that you can listen to and that it will stick and that you will actually hear it. And if you don't have that, I'm just telling you, it's a bad deal. And I want to tell you, uh, if you don't, go ahead and try to find some of those folks in your life. Because if not, without it, you can find yourself in the weeds and or worse, very, very quickly. So, yeah, who do you have in your life that can tell you no and it'll stick? Hopefully, it's somebody. If not, find them. All right, love you guys. Peace. Hey, if you enjoy this show, I'd love to have you share it with some friends. And don't forget, you are always welcome to join us in person at Central in Elk River at 8 30, which is our liturgical gathering, or at 10 o'clock, our modern gathering. Or you can check us out online at clcelkriver.org. Peace.